Humor that Inspires–for Teachers! Part III

If you liked the last Humor that Inspires (Part 1 and Part 2), here are more to kick-start your day:

1. "A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies."
   - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
2. "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
   - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
3. "Logic is in the eye of the logician."
   - Gloria Steinem
4. "No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
   - William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
5. "Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
   - Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
6. "Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech."
   - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
7. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it."
   - Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
8. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
   - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
10. "It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
    - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
11. "When ideas fail, words come in very handy."
    - Goethe (1749-1832)
12. "In the end, everything is a gag."
    - Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
13. "The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
    - Lucille S. Harper
14. "You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
    - Yogi Berra
15. "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
    - Walt Disney (1901-1966)
16. "He who hesitates is a damned fool."
    - Mae West (1892-1980)
17. "Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater."
    - Gail Godwin
18. "University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."
    - Henry Kissinger (1923-)
19. "The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
    - Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
20. "You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
    - Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
21. "Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
    - Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
22. "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
    - Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
23. "I am not young enough to know everything."
    - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
24. "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
    - General George Patton (1885-1945)
25. "Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
26. "There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
    - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
27. "I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking."
    - Katherine Cebrian
28. "I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
    - Steven Wright
29. "Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour."
    - Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
30. "Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure."
    - Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
31. "I have read your book and much like it."
    - Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
32. "The covers of this book are too far apart."
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
33. "Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them."
    - Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
34. "Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end."
    - Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
35. "Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
    - Voltaire (1694-1778)
36. "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
    - Mae West (1892-1980)
37. "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
    - Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
38. "No Sane man will dance."
    - Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
39. "Hell is a half-filled auditorium."
    - Robert Frost (1874-1963)
40. "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
    - Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
41. "Vote early and vote often."
    - Al Capone (1899-1947)
42. "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
    - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
43. "Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
    - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
44. "Hell is other people."
    - Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
45. "I am become death, shatterer of worlds."
    - Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)
46. "Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
    - Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
47. "Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
    - Thomas Jones
48. "You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
    - Al Capone (1899-1947)
49. "The gods too are fond of a joke."
    - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
50. "Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
    - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
51. "The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
    - Gloria Leonard

More great quotes with a sense of humor?

• Part I
• Part II

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Jacqui Murray has been teaching K-8 technology for 15 years. She is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. She is webmaster for six blogs, CSG Master Teacher, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blogger, a columnist for Examiner.com, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to TeachHUB. Currently, she’s editing a techno-thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.

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