what teachers want to tell parents

What
teachers really want to tell parents

By Ron Clark, Special to CNN

updated 9:12 AM EST, Tue September 6, 2011

Editor's note: Ron Clark, author of "The End of
Molasses Classes: Getting Our Kids Unstuck -- 101 Extraordinary Solutions for
Parents and Teachers," has been named "American Teacher of the Year" by Disney
and was Oprah Winfrey's pick as her "Phenomenal Man." He founded The Ron Clark Academy, which educators from around the world have
visited to learn.

(CNN) -- This summer, I met a
principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state.
She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the
profession.

I screamed, "You
can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an
offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just
can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."

Unfortunately, this
sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers
remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list
"issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the
towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents,
the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.

So, what can we do to
stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?

For starters, we are
educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every
day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you
advice, don't fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would
consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who
just don't want to hear anything negative about their child, but sometimes if
you're willing to take early warning advice to heart, it can help you head off
an issue that could become much greater in the future.

Trust us. At times when
I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see
the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child,
and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom
something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, "Is that
true?" Well, of course it's true. I just told you. And please don't ask
whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might
have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between
teacher and parent.

Please quit with all the excuses

The truth is, a lot of
times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by
giving good grades everyone will leave them alone.

Ron Clark

And if you really want
to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. I was
talking with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told
me he hadn't started, and I let him know I was extremely disappointed because
school starts in two weeks.

His mother chimed in and
told me that it had been a horrible summer for them because of family issues
they'd been through in July. I said I was so sorry, but I couldn't help but
point out that the assignments were given in May. She quickly added that she
was allowing her child some "fun time" during the summer before
getting back to work in July and that it wasn't his fault the work wasn't
complete.

Can you feel my pain?

Some parents will make
excuses regardless of the situation, and they are raising children who will
grow into adults who turn toward excuses and do not create a strong work ethic.
If you don't want your child to end up 25 and jobless, sitting on your couch
eating potato chips, then stop making excuses for why they aren't succeeding.
Instead, focus on finding solutions.

Parents, be a partner instead of a prosecutor

And parents, you know,
it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and
teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in
the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to
swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a
child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a
time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless
of whether you think it should be a B+.

This one may be hard to
accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's
that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the
bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good
grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a
great teacher! He made all A's this year!"

Wow. Come on now. In all
honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades,
because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low
scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.

Please, take a step back
and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you
feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize
your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are
complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.

And please, be a partner
instead of a prosecutor. I had a child cheat on a test, and his parents
threatened to call a lawyer because I was labeling him a criminal. I know that
sounds crazy, but principals all across the country are telling me that more
and more lawyers are accompanying parents for school meetings dealing with
their children.

Teachers walking on eggshells

I feel so sorry for
administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many
ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a
watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and
speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major
disaster.

My mom just told me a
child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher
tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of
his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job. My mom, my
very own mother, said, "Can you believe that woman did that?"

I felt hit in the gut. I
honestly would have probably tried to get the mark off as well. To think that
we might lose our jobs over something so minor is scary. Why would anyone want
to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and
scared, you will rob our schools of our best and handcuff our efforts to
recruit tomorrow's outstanding educators.

Finally, deal with
negative situations in a professional manner.

If your child said
something happened in the classroom that concerns you, ask to meet with the
teacher and approach the situation by saying, "I wanted to let you know
something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children
can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping
you could shed some light for me." If you aren't happy with the result,
then take your concerns to the principal, but above all else, never talk
negatively about a teacher in front of your child. If he knows you don't
respect her, he won't either, and that will lead to a whole host of new
problems.

We know you love your
children. We love them, too. We just ask -- and beg of you -- to trust us,
support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our
backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make
us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best
education possible.

That's a teacher's
promise, from me to you.